Thursday, February 07, 2008

Reflections on the Bhagavad Gita

I sat down to try and get some reading done, but it didn't happen. I had inadvertently picked a spot near two loud talkers on a date, which made it impossible to focus on the text. I found myself listening to these two grossly overweight turds; a guy and a girl. The girl had a gap in her teeth and a screechy, high pitched voice. The guy weighed maybe twice as much as the girl, which puts him in the 400-500 pound range, and his voice was of an even higher pitch than the girl. They both had the amazing ability of being able to speak entirely through their noses. I'm not being mean when I say this: they both really looked like Pearl, the archivist, from Blade. I'd get maybe halfway through a sentence, and then hear a statement of such utter mundanity as to make it impossible to focus on anything.

Upon acquiring a picture of Pearl, I realize this
may actually have been a slight exaggeration.

Apparently, they were talking about fortune cookies. "One time I got one that said 'You are not illiterate!'" screeched the girl-blob. This sent them both in to fits of outrageous laughter. The guy paused only to say, "I would totally keep that one! If I got it, I would totally keep that one!" He then resumed laughing, giving the girl time to repeat the phrase. "You are not illiterate!" Resume laughter.

Feeling the need to add something to the conversation, but really having as little to talk about as his female counterpart, the smelly-dude-blob came up with this: "I love it when I get a fortune cookie that says something like 'You are going to buy something at the mall.'" He said this without even the slightest hint of sarcasm. He really enjoys it when he gets a fortune that says nothing. This of course sent them further into hysterics, with the girl continuing to screech out "You are not illiterate!" every few seconds.

At this point, I had to interject. "You know how sometimes you can meet someone, and within the first few seconds, you just know the world would be much better off if they were dead?" They didn't seem to comprehend. Soon after, they were done eating, and left.

I was just about to attempt once more to start reading, when, from behind, I heard "I'm tall? You're tall? We're both tall!"