Today, in my English Writing class, we were instructed to write a love letter to someone special to us. This is what I wrote.
Of all the Youtube celebrities I've had the pleasure of encountering on my computer, you are by far the gayest. Your music video "What What (In the Butt)" has mesmerized me time and time again, as your isosceles figure symbolically erupts from a hole in the ground, your shoulderless avatar prancing about my screen.
Others may prefer the naked gansta rapper in the shower, or the combination dance class/English instruction/rape defense video, imported from Japan, but it is only you, my fabulous Village Person, that can really make me laugh uproariously at the absurdity of man, every time.
I know we can never meet; society would never accept the union of a homosexual black man and a heterosexual white man, for the purposes of the latter's ironic sense of humor. But just know, you will always have a place in my heart.