Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Rockland Cop Chronicles, Part II

At this point, I was pretty excited. I mean, I'm sure if I really thought about it, I would have been freaked out. My partner really shouldn't have been in possession of a rocket launcher. Well, I didn't think about it, at least not past the "Hell yeah, my partner is about to fuck you guys up" part. "Smoke 'em!" I yelled. He fired the rocket launcher.

The rocket didn't get more than five feet from the squad car before a bright wall of purple light appeared in its path, causing it to detonate. The car was knocked off the road, and slammed into a rail. I crawled out of the wreckage (of course I was fine), picking pieces of my partner off of my clothes. As soon as I made it out from under my now totaled car, I was surrounded by Hasidim. One of them, I guess a rabbi, came forward from the crowd.

"You have violated the agreement made between our people," he said. "By entering our territory, you cops have declared war on the Hasidim! We have been oppressed for too long. This is the last straw; we will not stop with obliterating your petty and juvenile police force. This is a war on all the gentiles of the world!"

"Uh... I was not aware of such a treaty..." I said.

"Silence!" he thundered. "We do not care about your ignorance; this is a sacred contract made before God. However, your ignorance seems sincere... it is only for this reason that we will not kill you. You are hereby banished to the Realm of the Night!" I was going to try to bargain further, but he then spat out a few lines in Hebrew. I don't understand that stuff, and he spit all over me, but soon, things started getting real wavy. Like it was really hot out, or I was having a flashback or something. The last thing I heard from the shaman-rabbi was maniacal laughter. Real cliche stuff. I was embarrassed for us both.

When the waves cleared, I was somewhere else. It wasn't too shocking though, it looked basically like Rockland county, but with a few more trees. And it was night. Which made sense, since it was called "The Realm of the Night." It didn't really seem like a realm though... more like a hamlet.

Not knowing what else to do, I started walking. Pretty soon, a dog started following me. It was a big German Shepherd, wearing a K-9 vest. I looked at it, and it wagged its tail, so I let it follow.

A man wearing a New City policeman's uniform walked up to me. "Follow me, I'll show you the way out!" he said. I shot him in the head.

"How did you know he was a phony?" the dog asked me. "The New City Sheriff's Department doesn't hire Indian people. Have you not noticed that?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm talking," the dog said. I wasn't. "I'm the spirit of your first partner. I died with unfinished business, so I was sent here. I guess I'm your guardian spirit. Come this way! I know how to get out of here!" He took off, leaving different trails of light coming off of his tail.

I sighed. "This is so fuckin' stupid."

To be continued...

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