Monday, August 28, 2006

The Bald Truth, Part I

In the past few months, I've been losing my hair, becoming closer and closer to bald. For many people, this would seem to be a bad thing, but I beg to differ. There have been many great bald people throughout history. Don't believe me? Let me prove it. Nick Oliveri was the bassist for Queens of the Stone Age for their first three albums, called their "Awesome Period." He was responsible for that awesome bass solo in "No One Knows," and sick vocals on "You Think I Ain't Worth a Dollar, But I Feel Like a Millionaire." He was fired before the production of Lullabies To Paralyze, their weakest effort, for being "too naked." If that's not awesome, I don't know what is.
Shavo Odadjian is the bassist for System of a Down, the most consistantly awesome band ever. I don't think I need to go into why System of a Down is awesome. Shavo has, like many bald greats, overcome his baldness with standard bald man accessories, the foot-long goatee and bass guitar.
David Cross is the greatest comedian of all time. Arrested Development and Mr. Show are the best things to happen to television in a long time.Larry David once said of bald people, "We're a set! We're a group! You can't call someone 'bald asshole!' What if I was gay? What if it said 'gay asshole?' This is a hate crime!"

Continued in next post...

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