Thursday, September 21, 2006

I Hate Accents!

Continued from I Love Accents!

Here are the worst accents ever. Stop using these immediately:

French

Please, just quit it. I try to lay off the French because everyone shits on them, but seriously, every time a Frenchman speaks, it just sounds like pooping. Also, the Merovingian from The Matrix series had a French accent, and he was just awful. Everything he said just made me furious.

Southern

The Southern accent is the fast-track to idiocy. If you have a Southern accent, you are a moron. There is no getting around it. If you had any shred of intelligence, you would either have eliminated the accent, or never picked it up in the first place. No excuses.

New York/New Jersey

This is fucking ricockulous. First of all, the New York/New Jersey accent suffers from the same "sounding unintelligent" thing that the Southern accent exemplifies, but in addition, it makes you sound like an asshole. Everything sounds insulting when spoken through this accent. Perhaps worst of all, idiots think I have a New York accent, but only after they hear I'm from New York. To prove my point, last night, when I was talking with some of my floor-mates about accents, I told one of them, who had just said he couldn't tell where I was from, that I was from New Mexico, and he believed me. BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING NEW YORK ACCENT YOU FUCKING INGRATES!

Scottish

Some people can't tell the difference between Scotch and Irish, but it's all in the absurd rolled R's and "hootman's!"

Arabic

I'm sorry to take a shot at Arabic, but I really think this is the only reason why Americans dislike Arabs. It has nothing to do with 9/11, we just don't like getting spit on during conversation.

Now, there are some that are moderately humorous, but mostly inoffensive. Canadian and Midwest accents are sometimes worth a chuckle, but mostly just embarrassing to any who speak them. These are, however, acceptable, so you are free to continue saying "aboot" and "eh." Just don't overdo it.

Now, if anyone disagrees with anything I've said in these two posts, suck it, because I am the ultimate authority on the English language.

2 comments:

alex xifo said...

Here are two that I can't stand:

1. Barcelona accent. Since when is it cool to lisp and sound like a limp wristed homosexual? Flamers don't sound that bad. And the worst part is that it's not natural and these fruit cakes go out of their way to lisp. It's a speech impediment! People try hard to get over it, and they do it on purpose. Unfrikinbelievable.

2. Boston accent. I hate your accent. Especially if you're from Maine.

S.Emerald said...

The only accent I hate is the Southern accent. I like everything else, but I'm not going to criticize your view.